I came across a photo a couple of weeks ago that triggered a memory. The event, although small, made a significant impact on me and it got me thinking about kindness.
Here’s what happened:
About a year ago, we attended a kid-thing (I’m being purposely vague to protect the innocent). The kid-thing was divided up by age and our oldest son, Daniel, went with the big kids. So did I. Daniel, if you don’t know, has autism.
We went into our assigned room with about twelve other kids. There were four tables. Immediately, they all scrambled to get seats. All the girls claimed a table while the boys spread out over three. Daniel took a seat next to two other boys.
And then the two boys moved to another table.
Now, I knew why they did this and I grumbled something under my breath (see, I didn’t say it out loud). And I can even understand why they did it.
Daniel is different.
He’s an oversized 11-year-old (not kidding, at the time, he was already wearing a size 11 men’s shoe) who carries a stuffed monkey everywhere he goes and makes strange sounds sometimes and asks random questions and only wants to talk about what he wants to talk about and he’s silly and giggly and he doesn’t really care what other people think about him.
So, Daniel didn’t notice when the other boys moved away and he would have been content to sit there by himself. I was not going to make a big deal about it. But, I’ll be honest, it broke my momma-heart; tears were imminent.
Then, one of the boys said, “Hey, Daniel, come and sit with us.”
And he did.
I rushed over to the kid and thanked him roughly a million times until he gave me a look that said, “Okay, lady, you’re kind of weird.” But, I really could not help myself. It might not have been a big deal to Daniel or the kid but it was a huge deal to me.
Some takeaways:
1. When you see a kid do something KIND when you see a kid go out of their way to HELP, when you see a kid INCLUDE another kid who might not have a friend, please THANK THEM.
No, they didn’t just make a great soccer play or score a touchdown, they didn’t make 100% on their spelling test, they did something way better. We do not celebrate kindness and we totally should. Give that kid a high-five, a hug, a thank you. Let them know you know they did something special.
2. Go hunt down that kid’s parents. Make sure you tell them just how cool their child is. Chances are, their child’s actions weren’t a random act. Those parents have taken the time to instill how important kindness.
3. Teach your kid to notice people. Talk about it. Model it. Like any skill, the more we practice it, the better we get at it. Teach them to spot the boy by sitting by himself, the child who’s different from everyone else, the quiet girl in the corner. Teach them to think about other people. THEN TEACH THEM TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. (Sorry for yelling but that part is important.)